Temp Life at Some of America's Most Notorious Legal Sweatshops
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Document Review Hippies
Want to work in San Francisco? If the below posting is in anyway legitimate, get ready to jump through some not so ordinary hoops in the application process. One of the people that alerted me to this ad wasn't very pleased:
"The hypocritical smelly ex-hippy that posted this ad needs to get a life. There are already enough alleged "creative" types on these document review projects, we don't need more. Scrounging for work in crowded, bug infested basements to pay off Sallie Mae, an organization which needlessly funds the extravagant lives of useless "progressive" law professors and administrators is not my idea of urban chic, it is just plain dumb. This job listing is an insult to us older folk that depend on these positions to feed ourselves. Here's the posing:
"Is document review more like a Tweet, a Digg or sex? (West Coast)
*****THIS IS A LEGITIMATE POSTING, SOMEWHAT IRREVERENT, BUT LEGITIMATE*****
Why do we want to know?
Well, we're building a team of highly disruptive document reviewers and want to know if you're the kind of legal professional who would do well with our brand of mayhem.
Here's what we can tell you: You will be respected. You will be trained. You will be paid. You, in return, will rock.
You may rock legal document review high. You may rock legal document review low.
But, you WILL rock. Because you will be one of the Chosen Few.
So, draw some analogies, use a few metaphors, knock yourself out with philosophical smoke as the legal spirit moves you, --so long as it's 3 paragraphs or less.
Then, attach that resume to us in TEXT format. No PDFs. No flippin' Word documents. Just plain old text....???... OK: "text" means, you can either include your life story plus considered analysis in an email,-- or you can attach a .TXT or .RTF file.
Don't know what those are? Look it up. We expect you to have more than a modicum of initiative...."modicum"???...Look it up.
And, no bullshit, OK? Because we're gonna find out what you're made of before we put you on one of our document review projects. So, if you're stoked to reduce thousands of documents to a series of intelligible narratives, we want to know you're out there looking for work.
If you're one of the few who effin' get it, then let's do this thing! Right now, we don't care where you are. If there are enough of you in any one city, we'll come to you. Send us the stuff here, and we'll get back to you.
Another reader's proposed response. Very creative:
"My response: Document review is defintely not like sex unless you're into staring at blank walls. It's more like a bad relationship. Most of time, it doesn't come through. When it does, it feels so good. Call me the Super Doc Reviewer of the San Francisco Bay Area. I'm lightening fast and highly accurate. Clicking through docs and checking boxes may not be most folks' thing. However, I get a natural high when I find docs that can really help my side's case. But here's the deal. I can't allow mere common folks to know my secret identity. The only ones who get this privilege are the document review temp agencies. So if you happen to be a real agency, send me your name and Web site. Then I'll send my resume that will reveal my real name."