Wednesday, April 01, 2009

April Fools




"Tom,

Looks like that Excelerate Discovery project was an overhyped hoax. Just another out of town agency looking to get a foothold in New York and build a database. Talk about false hope. Guess the joke is on us."

80 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well duh. I am soooo tired of my fellow contract attorneys crying victim on this site that I could barf up this mornings cereal. Get over it! Snap out of your victim mentality and get a different kind of job -- how about doing something outside of law?

"Oh, but I didn't spend six figures to not practice!!!!"

Boo-hoo, doc rev is not practicing and it seems your JD is failing you anyway, so, suck it up, gather a smidge of self worth that is not tied to your JD and MOVE ON!

Good lord.

Anonymous said...

10:14 - I'm not sure where you think you are, but this is a blog for temporary attorneys who primarily perform document review.

This seems to be a group that you despise, please take your anger and bitterness somewhere else.

I might suggest: wwww.jdunderground.com.

Have a good day!

Temps R us

Anonymous said...

The guy that owns Excelerbate is a veteran of Hudson. So expect all of the same nasty tricks they used. He was a VP there, so it is likely that he was the one doing all of that crap in the first place.

A new tempslinger in the 'hood!

Anonymous said...

I love that clown!

Anonymous said...

"I love that clown!"

It's Sua Sponte!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DhfjXABWVU

Anonymous said...

Which Hudson sleazebag is it? Cohen? He is the sleaziest person alive

Anonymous said...

Is Andrew Rider still there, or did he sliver off somewhere?

Anonymous said...

No, the guy was in Business Development, Chris Jenkins or something like that. Go to the Exacerbate web site.

Anonymous said...

The guys collecting resumes. Big deal. It takes like 3 minutes to email a resume and cover letter to him. He may have a specialized project or two, it looks like he's going after patent or foreign language types. There's usually a shortage of these types in a decent economy -- higher demand than supply.

Besides, it looks like the economy is stabalizing (the DOW is reacting positively to negative news), and there's a lot of work that's been put on hold. So things may perk up, both in the legal temp and non-temp sector.

Anonymous said...

It's called false advertising.

Anonymous said...

just posted on CNN:

Student Loan Nightmare: Help Wanted

Samantha Hillstrom
CNN Production Assistant

I’m about to talk about two little words that make most people cringe. The mere mention of these words usually incites the same reaction in everyone: a) fear b) denial c) a throbbing headache and d) the desire to run away screaming and crying and begging to go to a “happy place.” Yes, I am talking about STUDENT LOANS. If you don’t have one, you know someone who does and you sympathize with them. In the midst of the credit crisis, home foreclosures and bailout turmoil, the amount of debt that graduates are facing is overwhelming.

I am 23-years-old, two years out of college and I am sitting on $115,000 of student debt. And based on my lender’s loan terms, I only have roughly 12 years to pay it off. How much does that make my monthly payment, you ask? A whopping $1,200 a month. And let’s just say my lifelong dream career in television doesn’t lend itself to that. The only option my bank is giving me is to go on “graduated repayment plan.” That means that for four years I will only be paying off the interest every month. How much is that? Well, $115,000 with interest rates between 4-8%… that’s about $600 a month and that doesn’t even touch the principal amount. People don’t pay off houses in 12 years and I am expected to pay off this student loan in an entry level position?

Some might say, “Sam, you shouldn’t have gone to a private school in New York City if you wouldn’t be able to pay it off.” Well, I made a lot of mistakes when signing up for my loans, but I was uneducated on the process and on the repayment and now I’m stuck. I share the same anxiety as the families struggling to pay their mortgages. How was I ever to expect the financial crisis that was going to happen and where can I get some help?

And why do I have such a short amount of time to pay off my loans? Because of the current financial crisis. Due to the economic downturn, my lender isn’t consolidating loans. If I were able to consolidate, my repayment time would extend to 30 years…just like a home mortgage. Now that wouldn’t necessarily solve the problem, in that I would still owe more than $500 a month with the principal and interest, but it would buy me a bit more time and stretches out the money.

Here is my question: why aren’t student loans receiving the same attention, same care and forgiveness as every other loan in America? I have to say that I am lucky to have a job right now and was especially lucky to get a job right out of college. Can you imagine what kind of pressure and stress the 2009 graduates are feeling in this time of uncertainty? Veterans of the workforce can’t find work right now. What about the recent college grads with no work experience and tens of thousands of dollars of unforgivable debt underneath them?

There is a grain of hope that will come when the Income-Based Repayment Plan, part of the College Cost Reduction and Access Act of 2007, will take effect on July 1. The program will cap off borrower’s monthly payments at 10% of their gross income for 25 years with the rest of the debt being forgiven. However, that only applies to federal loans (which is only one of my four loans).

According to the Federal Education Department, in 2009, the amount of outstanding federal student loans is $544 billion, up $42 billion from last year. Where is our bailout? Where are our options? The default rate on student loans this year is already at 6.9%. That’s a 13% increase from last year.

Recently, Rev. Jesse Jackson started a campaign called “Reduce the Rate” urging the Obama administration to reduce the interest rates of student loans to 1%….the same amount of interest the banks are getting.

Jackson’s plan proposes the following…

* Reduce the interest rate on all student loans to 1%.
* If banks can borrow at 1% or less, then so should our students.
* Extend the grace period before loan repayment begins from 6 months to 18 months for students who graduate.
* In these tough economic times, it takes a college graduate an average of 6 months to 1 year to find a job. The rules should reflect this reality.
* End the penalties assessed to schools for student loan defaults.
* Schools should not be held accountable for students who don’t pay back their loans.
* Increase Pell Grants to cover the average yearly cost of a public
* 4 year institution instead of the amounts in the current stimulus package–$5,350 starting July 1 and $5,550 in 2010-2011

Anonymous said...

10:46

Take my anger and bitterness elsewhere? Heck, if I am anger and bitter I am a perfect fit for this place -- the capitol of anger and bitter.

I don't despise doc reviewers, heck I am a doc reviewer. I do, however, despise the pansy ass sissies posting on this sight as though they have been victims of some terrible crime because they are out of work. GIVE ME A BREAK.

Anonymous said...

If they reduce the rate to 1%, Dean Matasar and Joan Wexler will just jack up the tuition.

Anonymous said...

Response emails on the Excelerate project have been going out. It's NOT a hoax.

As can be expected a lot of people are very anxious to start a new project and soon.

It's hard given the current state of affairs but things are going to start looking up - we will just have to be a little patient and keep the faith.

Anonymous said...

12:54 - right on! No need for chicken little.

Anonymous said...

1254-- Contract attorneys are immune to the worst economic downturn in decades.

Anonymous said...

hey 10:14AM - please offer us some suggestions as to what non-legal jobs are available to a JD - having that illustrious degree is a scarlet letter in the outside world because you're considered "overqualified" and a flight risk - of course if you have a science/finance background prior to law school, then it's a different story, but for the big percentage of us with liberal arts degrees and went straight to law school - forget it - we'll wait for your learned suggestions

Anonymous said...

Cohen seemed like a nice guy when I met him- of course he never returned my calls or e-mails. Ah well.

Anonymous said...

1:52- I think you like being miserable.

Anonymous said...

killself

Anonymous said...

Are you serious... Unemployment is steadily rising by the day and you people think it is "going to start looking up?" Seriously?

Screw the Dow! If there were "work" actually around we all would be working. It is time to wake up people...or.... hold your breaths until the "work picks back up."

I bet the legal staffers that are still communicating with temps are saying "you are at the top of our list." LMAO! Yeah right!

Anonymous said...

Excelerate sent this email today:

Hello Friends!

Thank you so much for responding to our ad on Craig's List in regard to the document review that will be taking place in Midtown. We apologize that we have not been able to contact each one of you individually. Admittedly, we have been overwhelmed by the number of responses we have received and are trying to make sure we review every response and resume. As such, please know if we DO decide that we would like to submit your resume to our client about this particular case that we will be in touch this week. As with every position, you will be contacted before your resume is ever submitted anywhere.

Excelerate Discovery will be putting an office in New York by the end of the year to better service all of our clients in the city. As such, we will be contacting you to come register with us for some of the future work we do there in the coming months.

Thanks again and we look forward to working with you all soon.

Best regards,

Christopher Jensen, Esq.
President
Excelerate Discovery
1050 Connecticut Avenue
10th Floor
Washington, DC 20006
202.772.4262

Anonymous said...

Hello Friends? Who is this guy, John McCain?

Anonymous said...

to 10:14, if you don't like it, go somewhere else.

Anonymous said...

And now a PO-em ...

"No one in the history of man has ever suffered as much as document reviewers. Oh, black, black, black-- black is the world that birth us into this darkness. Nazi Germany? Cake walk. Jim Crow? Whimps. Oh, woe. Sweet woe. Sweet, sweet contract attorney woe. Super darker than black woe."

Anonymous said...

Why no actual agency address?

-----
Attorneys with 0-5 yrs experience needed ASAP (Midtown)
Reply to: job-7uaft-1102511494@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-04-01, 3:22PM EDT


Attorneys and recent law school graduates needed ASAP for 2 month long document review project at top NYC law firm. NY Bar preferred, but not required. Please email resume and cover letter.

* Compensation: $30 to $40 per hour
* Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
* Please, no phone calls about this job!
* Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.



PostingID: 1102511494

Anonymous said...

anybody have any thoughts on what my status would be for jury duty? im not currently on a project but normally do doc review.

options are: im thinking per diem or unemployed are the only options and i want my 40 bucks a day!

Anonymous said...

If any of you were blessed with the ability to speak "Malay" then here is one right back at cha! Oh yeah and no $/hr is listed so don't be the April Fool! LMAO

Legal Placements, Inc is currently recruiting for Malay fluent actively
barred (in a U.S. Jurisdiction) contract attorneys to join a project in
Washington, DC.

Qualified Candidates must be:

* Malay fluent - enough to convert and translate legal documents

* Actively barred in a US Jurisdiction and in good standing with
your respective bar

For immediate consideration and registration please send your resume to:
nida@legalplacements.com and kerry@legalplacements.com

Anonymous said...

For those interested in learning Malay real fast -

http://pgoh13.free.fr/malay_course.php

Anonymous said...

Sorry
http://pgoh13.free.fr/malay_course.php

won't be fast enough for this one but surely there will be other Malay projects

Anonymous said...

Contract Attorneys = Pwned

Anonymous said...

12:38 - you're not a doc reviewer, you're just another LPO troll out to destroy the workplace in the USA so the sleazebags will send the work overseas.

Trollop said...

12:38 and first commenter:

The Bartlebies get upset when you suggest they move on, so please stop. By the way, I moved on like you did, but I keep looking at the market because I miss the days of no responsibility and big $. Can you identify? (unless you are a nasty LPO troll as they say, of course).

Anonymous said...

Hi,
I just want to update my status with the agencies for the week as HOMICIDAL. Well come to think of that that is my status in general.

And what the fuck 10:14, fuck you.

And 12:37, thanks for using all that space.

Anonymous said...

Anybody need a matrimonial attorney?

Anonymous said...

It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.

Anonymous said...

7:11 -- I can somewhat identify. I actually make more money than when I was doing document review, but I certainly can't just go home and not think about my work any more. That part I miss. However, I wouldn't go back to document review even if I could match my current salary.

Previous to doc rev I practiced as a trial attorney for five years, and I thank my lucky stars everyday that I have left that life behind.

Nat said...

My grandfather used to say, "If you don't git while the gittin's good, you're gunna get got."

Anonymous said...

my grandfather used to say, "GET THAT FORK OUT OF YOUR NOSE!!!"

Anonymous said...

The April Fools joke (which you perpetuate 365 days a year) is actually on all of you losers that didn't get chosen for this gig and continue to harm yourselves by making negative comments here. The gig is real, just like the paycheck I'm about to get. Do you actually enjoy undermining everything and everyone in your own misery?

Anonymous said...

Umm, like every single ad HIRE Counsel has ever placed on Craig's List and Monster hasn't been fake?

This is noteworthy that a new agency posted a fake ad?

Get used to it people.

Anonymous said...

This site is like religion---a lot of preaching without any proof.

Anonymous said...

Cunt!
Shit!
Motherfucker!


Wow. That's so cool. You really can say anything you want here without any repercussions whatsoever. What a freeing feeling. Like walking around without underwear.

Anonymous said...

Here in LA, Hirecounsel places fake ads all the time. It doesn't matter what the ads say, if Bernie Savage likes you, you are golden. If she dislikes you for whatever reason,
you are dead to them.

Anonymous said...

Here in DC, Hirecounsel is only listing foreign language assignments. Not sure if they're real or not though.

Anonymous said...

3:29

You can't just sit there and whine about the lack of work. It will pick back up sooner or later. It always does.

It took about 1-2 months for everything to get completely screwed up. It'll take about the same period of time for things to get back on track. The Dow is incresing despite bad news, so things will improve but it may take some time.

Until then, try and find something to tied you over.

Anonymous said...

9:43

In NYC they're real if the client decides to do them -- which hasn't been the case lately. It's not exactly Hire's fault if the client asks them to staff the project and then puts it on hold, or only staffs it with a small number of experienced temps.

The demand for most of the foreign language stuff exceeds supply under normal circumstances, but the current circumstances are not normal.

I, temporanamus, predict that once the Dow reaches 8000, a lot of these projects that have been in abense will suddenly start.

Anonymous said...

The "small number of experienced temps" line is a total joke. It never has anything to do with that. The worst reviewers get A-listed all the time. It is all about cliques and people wanting to pick those they want to be around for very superficial reasons having nothing to do with the actual work.

The HireCounsel ads come with absurd frequency. It is obvious there is no way that they are real. HireCounsel places a few people on crappy projects here and there but this constant abundance of projects they claim to have is laughably false.

Anonymous said...

Who has large projects at the moment?

Nobody. That's who.

About six months ago, the agencies had temps working at the big firms and had filled up the majority of their off-site centers.

That isn't the case at the moment.

Anonymous said...

Large firms use contract attorneys for doc review when their associates have too much other work. They don't have enough work for their associates now so they are doing most of it themselves. It's that simple.

Anonymous said...

Hire Counsel, Robert Half, Legal source, Hudson, Update Legal, and any other legal staffing...sweatshop stocking company can Suck on my chocolate salty balls. Those who don't like it can put 'em in their mouth and suck 'em too!

Anonymous said...

Her Royal Assness (aka Denise) does nothing but place b.s. adds on every job site...almost daily.

Anonymous said...

1200

That's impossible. It is a well-known fact that doc reviewers are not affected by what happens in law firms. Afterall, we work off site, and therefore, that means we are a separate from the underlying work load. When are you going to admit that a lack of work for their associates is another part of the super extra-secret plot to harm doc reviewers? The economy does not matter---- They are just out to get us. ----They are all out to get us.

Anonymous said...

that head of bank of America looks like a racist I'd like to pack a broken wine bottle up his ass and kick him around. Fuk these executive pigs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Saying someone "looks racist" sounds racist. Unless maybe that someone is carrying a sign with a racial slur on it.

Anonymous said...

Projects are going to just spontaneously appear out of thin air and everything will be alright. Just hold your breath ..... your family will have to as well, and see how long you can hold out!

Anonymous said...

I'm currently a 2L at a second tier law school and just stumbled upon this blog. What is wrong with you people? I am an intelligent woman with a B.A. in art history and have always had an interest in the law. I fully plan on practicing when I graduate.

Anonymous said...

you can practice on my

Anonymous said...

9:18, u were the typical jackass in law school that should'nt have been there begin with. Fuck you and leave!
Why don't you go play in traffic on your way to wandering into a police station waving a gun.

Anonymous said...

HIRE Counsel is a nightmare. I had heard they may be going out of business. Has anyone else heard that?

If they stopped paying for fake advertisements maybe their bottom line would be in the black.

Anonymous said...

10:17 you would be better off pursuing art history. In case you haven't heard, there are no jobs in law for attorneys. If you are looking for a steady income, go for a paralegal certificate before you get that dreaded JD. All it offers is debt. It brands you as someone the firms don't want to pay - a fellow attorney. Paralegals have steady incomes and don't have to bother with the bar exam, CLE or attorney registration fees. They are in very high demand.

Anonymous said...

10:17: what do you mean what is wrong with you people? Do you mean why are we bitter and depraved? While I would agree there is a high level of negativity and stinking thinking among our ranks, it does come from somewhere (not just from within as some might say). Once you get out of law school and have your heavy financial burden and no way of paying it you might start to get worn out too.

Anonymous said...

Dynamic US Lawyer Sought for India-based Leadership Opportunity (Midtown East)
Reply to: careers@pangea3.com [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-04-02, 12:36PM EDT


Mid-level to senior litigator or corporate lawyer with at least three years experience at a large law firm.
The ideal candidate will assume a leadership role in assisting in the management of Pangea3’s India-based Litigation and/or Corporate services teams.
Knowledge of Internet delivery of services, working across continents and time zones, and expertise in servicing global clients in private law firms or within the scope of a legal department of a large corporate entity is required.

Anonymous said...

10:17 that is nice, maybe you don't have a lot of loans to repay. If you do, then maybe you have not figured out yet that most likely what your law school told you about employment, salary, etc is fraud, and that the school is probably taking kickbacks form your student loan lender.
Also once you get out in the real world and start working, or trying to work, you will quickly figure out this stuff. When the only job you can get pays 40k a year and you can't pay your bills, and that you can not ischarge them in bankruptcy, that mommy and daddy can't bail you out, that you can't afford to have kids or buy a place, you will start to see "whats wrong" with "YOU" people. Of course, maybe you are just hoping to get married to some guy, and you think working for a couple of years making 40k a year means that you are actually contributing something, and then you will get pregnant and stop working and have him take care of you, in which case all of this will matter to him but not you, right? Hope it works out for you, because if not, then you will be one of "YOU PEOPLE"

Anonymous said...

10:17 is just another law lemming. Ssssshhhh....don't tell her it's all a big scam and she's the mark.

Back to clicking...(if there was only work)...

Anonymous said...

Are you motherfucking kidding me? The Hudson dude names his company Excelerate? That is some funny shit...

Anonymous said...

1:16

I think you're a little pessimistic. It's not that bad out there. In fact, being an attorney is a pretty good gig the majority of the time.

Maybe you should try and formulate a more positive attitude instead of being so defeatist. If you keep after it and learn from your mistakes you can do quite well for yourself.

Trollop said...

10:41

You are a faggot. Perhaps you should go find some guy to pay your bills and it be "his" problem.

Anonymous said...

Trollop did you really intend to respond to 10:41? You're making even less sense than usual.

Anonymous said...

9:07 or is it 10:17, I am 1:16 you think I am pessimistic? No you are wrong, you don't know a thing about me.
I have bills to pay, big bills. I have to work like crazy every month to make sure I pay them off. If I don't pay them, then what I owe on my law school loans increases nearly 1,000 dollars a month.
I pay them myself, I don't have daddy paying my way, or live off of someone else. Making 40, 50 or 60k a year is simply not an option that I or most of the people who post here have. We can not pay off our loans making that.
My law school is under investigation for student loan fraud. My law school put put false employment stats and salary information.
You are doomed as a lawyer and a person if you can't tell the difference between facts and "pessimism".
Go the fuck back to Oprah with your bullshit.

Anonymous said...

I am a Harvard law grad, 2007. I work for BIGlaw. All u ttt ppl r lozerzzzz.... Me and my boyfriend who graduated from Colombia think u r scummmmmmmy! DIE DIE DIE!!! hahahahahaha!!!!

Anonymous said...

As a Yale Law School graduate in Biglaw, you document reviewers have my deepest sympathy. As I sit in my limousine, sipping on a 1923 Chianti, while my hair is washed with Perrier water by a small Thai child, I can only imagine what it must be like for little people such as yourself. All I can say is chin up. There are opportunities out there. Why, my personal asswiper used to be a doc reviewer such as yourselves. If he can improve his station in life, I am sure all of you, with a little grit and determination, can do likewise.

Anonymous said...

will you fist me?
xoxo

Anonymous said...

10:26

I'm pretty sure Trollop's talking to 1:16--that makes sense. Trollop is probably a fool, but it is hard to keep the numbers straight.

Anonymous said...

The Excelerate project is real. I interviewed for it. It's only 4 weeks and starts April 13/14.

Anonymous said...

Project started yesterday so I guess it wasn't a hoax afterall!

Anonymous said...

All I do is fidget with this stupid iPhone all day troving for any SoCal jobs, and I'm a top tier grad! I can't get nonlegal jobs because I'm a flight risk and "overqualified", and I can't get perm work because I'm UNDER-QUALIFIED! for the past seven months, I've literally had more luck as an entertainer. The pipe-dream has become practical, and that "good education" has become the pipe-dream.

However, as Christmas comes around and the economy rebounds MORE, big firm clients will begin paying their fees again, Americans will get back to suing the hell out of each other, and idiots will go back to paying me 2500/wk to read emails and eat moderately decent sushi.

Yes, I'd rather have a perm job, but temp work was SO paying the bills. As for Bernie @ HC, she needs to find another profession because from what I hear, she's a problem for the southern cal market. I like her, but seemingly no one else does, and all for the same reason. They say she's vindictive and paranoid and picks favorites, creating a not-so-free market in the LA scene. You either work with her and get gigs, or you are arbitrarily blackballed and dont work at all for ANYONE. I've heard that her constant firing of people gets to the ears of recruiters at other companies who will subsequently fire temps based on that. I have a pal who staffs at another co who said he did that. I was like "you ASSHOLE!" you killed this guys income in THIS economy because of a Bernie-based rumor??!?

The precariousness of this industry is fueled exclusively by petty associates and lies played on the weakness of naive agents by the more furtive. Give me the underworld of the music biz ANY DAY!

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