Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Deflate the Rate!

Welcome to Deflate the Rate! Someone has to pay for Lily's and Rohini's bonus, and you can rest assured it won't be the partners. Our first contestant is Compliance's Kevin Dantzler:

Category: Attorney Reviewer
Location: New York, NY 10038
Work Days: Monday,Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday
Pay Rate: $31.0000 per hour
Estimated Start Date: 2006-06-12 00:00:00.0
Duration (in weeks): 0
New Employees: Apply Online
Current & Past Employees please contact Kevin Dantzler at 646.375.2471


Anonymous said...

Oh noes! I guess you'll just have to hold out for more... oh wait you have no bargaining power at all.

Anonymous said...

Who are Rohini and Lily?

Anonymous said...

This is from June 2006. The rate has actually gone up to $32.0001 an hour.

Anonymous said...

actually the rate does escalate to $33 after some time on the project

Doug and Wendy Whiners said...

I've left the following open letter elsewhere on this blog. Let's see how long it stays up.

To everyone and Mr. T,

I know it’s human nature to bitch about your job. Everyone does it. I’ve done it, we all have. I’ve been reading your posts, I see your anger, and I see your frustration. At one time, I lived it. And I have one thing to ask:

What the fuck is wrong with you people?

I’ve temped with you in the trenches. I’m not a lawyer, but my wife is, and we both would like to say “Thank you.” Why? See, because of immature, whiny, vindictive, little creeps like you guys, her hard work and sacrifice was appreciated that much more.

In the years of her temp career I never once saw her lie on her time sheet (unlike YOU). I never once saw her come in late (unlike YOU). She never worked high or drunk (unlike YOU). She never took more than a few minutes in the bathroom. If she did spend more time in the bathroom, you can bet she deducted the time on her time sheet. (unlike YOU who wants to be paid for sitting on your ass for a half hour, crapping and reading in a stall, feeling like you deserve cash for your private little recess).

Sure she bitched, sure she felt the pressure of loans (we both did and still do) but did she steal time from the company like YOU want to. No. You made her look twice as amazing as she is. And then she was hired as an associate at $150,000 (plus bonus and 401k, etc.) directly because she was honest and very focused at her really boring job. Plus, she didn’t listen to people like YOU, thank God.

Now, the first step to contrition is always the hardest, so I’ll get you started. Raise your right hand, or hook, or whatever...

I’m sorry you’re complaining when you’re making between $35 and $60 + OT an hour (yes, SIXTY +OT. Those jobs are out there, Bubba, but they won’t go to YOU. Guess why. Why don’t you reread the third paragraph…I’ll wait), effectively five to ten times what the average Joe/Jane makes per hour in this country.

I’m sorry someone forced you to enroll in law school and made you sit through three years of classes. Those must have been heavy shackles to bear. How did you ever sign your temp contract with those handcuffs on? That IS your signature, right?

I’m sorry you went to law school in 1927, when there was about, what? A hundred lawyers in the entire country? With available jobs at every corner? It’s 2007, guys. In THIS century, there are about 15,000 lawyers pumped into the legal system every year, a fact known so well to so many only “The first song played on MTV was ‘Video Killed the Radio Star’” would beat it in a popular trivia contest. In three years of law school, surrounded by lawyers, being taught by lawyers, I’m sorry this glaring statistic escaped you.

I’m sorry you didn’t get that free ride you thought you would get. It’s called paying your dues people and everyone does it. The good ones, anyway.

I’m sorry you don’t realize that every time you cry, bitch, and PERSONALLY insult Evelyn, Kathryn, et al, you don’t realize you’re cutting your own throat. WHO DO YOU THINK READS YOUR BILE? How much do you think they want to help you, or for that matter even be civil to you en mass after reading your shit stained posts? Self-defeating to say the very least…

I truly am sorry for you. So, maybe if y’all stopped bitching long enough, stopped wasting work time trying to come up with a clever complaint/metaphor/allusion/insult to tell Tom and did some legitimate work, maybe you’ll get out of the “hell” you’re in.

Oh, and to Tom the “Robin Hood Wannabe” Temp, I know you think your site helps, but frankly, you’re part of the problem. Don’t give these little bitches a forum to drown themselves, to perpetuate their lameness, to continue their self-loathing spiral into oblivion. Let them complain like normal people…to their bartender.

Now, my wife and I are tired. We went to see Van Halen tonight at MSG. Floor seats, man. We rocked hard!

Thanks again for the tickets.


PS Believe me, I wish I could state my name. However, anyone who wants to try to defend themselves, well, I love to laugh, so to call me an asshole personally, and I know I am one, you can reach me at DougAndWendyWhiner@gmail.com. I set it up just for YOU. Now, don’t you feel appreciated?


Anonymous said...

He's right. He is an asshole. Speaks well, though.

Patsy Klein said...

And its $31 and hour, not $35. How as Van Halen?

Doug and Wendy Whiners said...

Van Halen was great. I recommend highly. My other posts said "$35" and I didn't want to be inconsistent. I hear Tom's like a Grizzly about details...

Anonymous said...

Looks like the firm and agency, counter-propaganda push has begun. This is going to be fun.

Anonymous said...

Kevin Dantzler is a dick. He totally tried to screw me over.

Anonymous said...

Response to Whiner, from Wash. City:

"Of all the remarks found here, Mr. Fortay's (and now wendy whiner) speaks the loudest. He admits to having been a wage-slaves trader then shares his warped opinion of temp attorneys. If they are all unemployable, then why does the temp business exist? Bloodsuckers can not live, nor wear Rolex watches and drive Mercedes if there is no blood to be sucked. If his stock-in-trade is so lowley, then what does that make him? His expressed attitude should be a billboard notice to all involved in this dirty business and should be required reading for every undergrad thinking of committing himself or herself to the 3-year root canal of law school and to a lifetime of indenture.

I believe that the City Paper has started something here. It should take this ball and run with it because there is a lot of inside dirt that needs to be unearthed. Law firms make multiple agencies on a project agree to pay their temps the same wage. Clearly anti-competetive. Some agents misclassify temps as independent agents working for the business to which they are assigned. This allows the Pimp to free itself of IRS responsibiulity yet maintaining controll over the temp. My experience in such a situation involved a woman who subsequently became a committe chair on the DC Bar Association. It became necessary that I seek a correction of status from the IRS which determined that I and several others on the project were indeed her employees.

As this business is carried out behind closed doors sans light and fresh air allows it to continue unregulated. Within these sweatshops divisions will fester. Sexism, racism and general jocking for personal advancement, as pathetic as it is, seem to be normal conditions of employment. However, these practices continue because they are neither open to public view nor likely to be investigated by leagl authorities or regulators.

This forum is a start, but the City paper and temps themselves must dig deeper and face some dangers of being blackballed if any positive change is to occur. Many temps are not young new lawyers who simply face loan debt. Many are married and have tremendous responsibilites. This is not a light -hearted game to them. It is serious BUSINESS.

Anonymous said...


It wasn't just hard work your wife was experiencing during those long hours on the review, but my hard cock too.

Anonymous said...

Hughes Hubbard closed the project today

D & W Whiner said...

10:46: Grow up, dude. Btw, YOU'RE Doug Whiner, not me, but you're probably too young to get the reference. Live and learn.

Anonymous said...

WHAT??????????? Satan's workshop closed today? Historic.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

I've never seen so many paragraphs begin with "I'm sorry."