Friday, November 23, 2007

Conversations With Update Legal

From blogger John Bungsolaphagus, here is a typical phone conversation with the Update Legal temp agency:

Hi [XXXXXX] from Update! Sure, I can begin working
tomorrow.


(They NEVER EVER seem to have the ability to give you
at least a couple of days notice...and they lie to
railroad you into a shit project.)


Yes, I can work 12 hour days for six days a week and
half days Sundays.


(Plus, they demand Saturdays which does not work for
many of those of the Jewish persuasion...surprising
that Update would do such...but then again..maybe
that's why they insist that I, a non-jew must work on
Saturdays...to fill in for the Jews who won't. Hmmm.
Of course they don't give a fuck about those who might
actually practice Christianity on the Sunday Sabbath.
I am a heathen so I can work on Sunday but that's not
good enough for Update. They keep trying to ram rod me
into Saturdays. I make more money on Saturdays on
nonlegal endeavors than many make in a week in the
law. So I refuse to give them Saturdays. Hence, I have
not yet worked on an Update project, nor do I intend
to do so.)


No, I do not have any vacations planned for the next
six months, nor do I intend to take any days off in
the next six months.


(Vacation? In law land? Please! They even asked me
sarcastically, "you don't have any doctors
appointments for the next several weeks do
you?"...Snakes.)


Thank you so much for this opportunity!


(Update counts on young attorney desperation. This is
where I fail with them every time. I do not say the
above when they offer a shit project and I catch them
contradicting each other on the material terms of a
project. One person will call and say the pay is $X
and the bad cop will call later and say that the pay
is really $X minus $5 or $10 per hour. Or the good cop
will say that Saturdays are not required and the bad
cop will start asking you if you can work half of a
Saturday and why not if you say no. The bad cop then
says that Saturdays are required after the good cop
told you that they weren't. That's when I pass because
who knows what the reality is when you actually get
stuck on a shit project? When they offer me shit or
they get caught in a lie I politely say to them "no
thanks, I'll pass"...and this puzzles them...they
can't believe that I have better and more profitable
things to do than to be jerked around by them.)

35 comments:

Anonymous said...

Great for exposing this Ponzi Scheme!

Anonymous said...

They are stll not as bad as that sleazebag Sean Curtin and his Jamaican sidekick Sandrene

Anonymous said...

Sean may rub some people the wrong way, but not me, however, Sandrene is very sweet. No reason for the above comment.

Anonymous said...

Sandrene is awesome. As always, just come loser temp attys here ripping on people bc they can't get any assignments.

I hate temp attorneys. I hope you all die.

Anonymous said...

Screw You Sandrene is a LOSER and I hope you DIE!

Anonymous said...

Update continues to call me for assignments even though I tell them I am not available. Finally, after they left the 10th message on my answering machine in a 2 week period about a project, I called them back and told them I was working as an attorney in a perm job, full time associate position. They responded with "wow congratulations!!! thats great news!!" as if I could never get a REAL lawyer job after working for them.

The funny part is that when I DID work as a temp atty (for like a month between Full Time jobs), I worked for Hudson - NOT Update, so its funny how they think I'm on their payroll when I have never completed one single assignment for them.

Anonymous said...

8:23AM-

No surprise you can't get a perm job and are at the whims of the staffing agencies. Your anger issues are quite pronounced and I'm sure any potential employer will pick up on your sickness-- clearly the temp agencies already have.

Too bad you have no health insurance to get help for your anger. Joke's on you. I'm going to go now and check on how my 401k is doing because as a REAL LAWYER, I have one.

Anonymous said...

I am new to this...here is a question ...if i temp for company for 6 months, project is over... i am let go... will i be offered another project by the same company later or is it from one company to the other only deal ? in NYC ?

Anonymous said...

You usually move from company to company. If a company/firm hires a temp directly, that company/firm has to pay agency a hefty placement fee.

Anonymous said...

Hm...that sucks .... so u can't be rehired by the same company/firm for different temp projects, not perm?

Anonymous said...

Uncle Tom,

You imply that you are as eager to lie as Update, so get over it.

You lie to us and we don't complain, check out Craigslist: Rate for KA's is $35/hour + OT, with little variation.

We used to love you, now you are full of yourself.

Did some cunt take over this anonymous blog in the past year? It really sounds like you're having your period. People lie all the time.

Get over yourself, and if you are the same person as June of last year, get back to helping us out with useful advice. This re-hashing old news for the newbies to doc review is wasting my blog reading time. I might just make this next document NR just for the heck of it.

Heck!

Loyal Reader

Anonymous said...

To answer your question, yes - if a firm likes you and the project ends, many will place you on another project...the firm I'm at now scrambles to keep the temps working from one project to the next (so they won't take other work)- and they fire the ones that sleep and play video games and bill for hours they don't work. Shocking, I know - a firm wants a lawyer to work for money? Crazy.

Or you could just bitch and whine and moan about how someone wants you to actually WORK for your paycheck. Oh, and display a little "talent". Something most temps don't have.

Anonymous said...

typical ***snakes.

Joe Miller said...

I'm interested in knowing what John Bungsolaphagus does on Saturdays, which allows him to earn more than he does as a lawyer! Whaddaya say, John? Are you going to spill the beans, or what???

Anonymous said...

Escorting.

Grizzly Adams said...

starring as a "bear" in gay porn

Anonymous said...

Moderating JDUnderground.com!!

Anonymous said...

WTF is a "bear"?

Anonymous said...

Hey everyone, come to docreviewers.googlepages.com

It's doc reviewers, chat rooms, message boards, contests, games, and more..

Anonymous said...

Gay men have invented this great category for themselves - they don't get old and fat (like mere partners at law firms); instead, they become 'bears.' bears (click if you don't believe)Hey, it's on Wikipedia. But sorry, bear porn pays very little - supply and demand rules, so said temp would do better with Update.

DaraTheExploiter said...

Thank you for the advice! I am just trying to get into this game and the stuff here has made me rethink my "career move". I always heard good things about Hudson, Paul Weiss, etc. Now, I am shaking in my boots!

Anonymous said...

contests, games? Wtf...

Rod Munch said...

Not sure where anyone would have ever heard anything good about Paul Weiss. What's this about bears and gays?

Anonymous said...

John B. said he could make more money on Saturday doing his 'non-law' work, but he didn't specify what that work might be, so the comments have devolved into speculation about the nature of his work. So far nominations are for escorting and starring as a bear in gay porn. Perhaps a Santa at Macy's? He could promise the little kiddies a law degree in their stockings this Christmas.

Anonymous said...

I just got a call from Update Legal!
Should I call them back or run for the hills?

Anonymous said...

I just got a call from Update Legal!
Should I call them back or run for the hills?

Anonymous said...

that post is exactly correct

The John Bungsolaphagus said...

Hey now! Not quite sure why Tom pulled out a classic JB post from months ago but apparently it has incited quite the interesting responses. I believe my comments were made within a thread on JDU called "Phrases every toilet lawyer must know". Someone posted the phrases that were not in parenthesis and mine were.

Anywhoo.. I digress. This thread has brought me out of semi retirement. In true lawyer like fashion I cut and paste select comments from above and insert my comments:

First off...
Anonymous said...
Great for exposing this Ponzi Scheme!
(I have been reviled time and time again by pro-law koolaid drinkers that to describe these sort of things as "ponzi schemes" is somehow inaccurate. I have been advised by lemmings and non lemmings alike that the term "scam" may suffice.)

Anonymous said...
They are stil not as bad as that sleazebag Sean Curtin and his Jamaican sidekick Sandrene
(I believe Sandrene is from another agency but she fills the role of "good cop" and others later call with the bad cop news)

Anonymous said...
Sandrene is awesome. (She is very pleasant, if not effective for the temp).................
As always, just come loser temp attys here ripping on people bc they can't get any assignments.

I hate temp attorneys. I hope you all die.
(And may god bless you Mr. or Mrs. Darrow, Boies, Bailey or Cochran...When you one day get kicked to the curb by your current snake bosses then you may to wind up in the temp trenches...and, should that occur, may you suffer the same fate as chicken hawks who are sent to prision in the general population block.)

10:46 PM

Anonymous said...
Update continues to call me for assignments even though I tell them I am not available. Finally, after they left the 10th message on my answering machine in a 2 week period about a project, I called them back and told them I was working as an attorney in a perm job, full time associate position. They responded with "wow congratulations!!! thats great news!!" as if I could never get a REAL lawyer job after working for them.

(For many, it is difficult to get a so-called "Real" lawyer job after temping..But who gives a frog's ass? Almost ALL so-called "lawyer" jobs nowadays are temp jobs...be they called "perm" or not)

The funny part is that when I DID work as a temp atty (for like a month between Full Time jobs), I worked for Hudson - NOT Update, so its funny how they think I'm on their payroll when I have never completed one single assignment for them.
(I have experienced the same attitude from them even though I never worked for them either..Very insightful)
11:47 AM

Anonymous said...
8:23AM-

No surprise you can't get a perm job and are at the whims of the staffing agencies. Your anger issues are quite pronounced and I'm sure any potential employer will pick up on your sickness-- clearly the temp agencies already have.
(Yea, blame the victims. Sure some temps are wack jobs who are relatively un-employable but many are not and are still treated like peons...Too many lawyers, too much debt, too many snakes running the scam known as the law)

Too bad you have no health insurance to get help for your anger. Joke's on you. I'm going to go now and check on how my 401k is doing because as a REAL LAWYER, I have one.
(Little known fact to the general public and to some big law lemmings...Most non-big law firms offer shit for healthcare benefits, if any at all. Damn sure no dental nor mental health. Most have no 401K either so get off your high horse on that b.s. hot shot)

2:28 PM


Joe Miller said...
I'm interested in knowing what John Bungsolaphagus does on Saturdays, which allows him to earn more than he does as a lawyer! Whaddaya say, John? Are you going to spill the beans, or what???
(Like LL Cool J once said.."Pass the Heiniken and MIND YOUR BIDNESS... Just joshing...can't out myself like that..)

2:40 PM


Anonymous said...
Escorting. (I wish)

5:00 PM


Grizzly Adams said...
starring as a "bear" in gay porn

(No, even though I would be more likely to get big law if I were gay, I can't fake it...I am strictly CHICKLY)

8:52 PM


Anonymous said...
Moderating JDUnderground.com!!
(Only if Admin were to pass in an earthquake in the Bay area....Most of the lemmings on JDU are now dead to me like Fredo is dead to Micheal Corleone in The God Father..due to their following the teachings of posters like the koolaid drinker known as "Vencermos")

Anonymous said...
John B. said he could make more money on Saturday doing his 'non-law' work, but he didn't specify what that work might be, so the comments have devolved into speculation about the nature of his work. So far nominations are for escorting and starring as a bear in gay porn.
(Did not know about the "Bear" thing...Learn something new erry day!)
Perhaps a Santa at Macy's? He could promise the little kiddies a law degree in their stockings this Christmas.
(I, much like the late, great rapper known as the Ol' Dirty Bastard have luv for the chidrens. I could never ruing their lives with worthless toiletpaper such as a law degree)

8:49 AM


Anonymous said...
I just got a call from Update Legal!
Should I call them back or run for the hills?
(Make like Iron Maiden and "Runnnnnnnnn Toooooo The Hiiiilllllllls!!!!!!!! Ruuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnnn Fooooooooorrrrrrrrrrr Your LIfffffffffffffffffeeeeeeeee!)

4:25 PM

Anonymous said...
that post is exactly correct
(Yes, thank you, I know, but unfortunately, there will be lemmings who will somehow argue to the contrary)

4:36 PM

I now must go dark again. It has been a pleasure. God bless.

Anonymous said...

Hey 11:24 - maybe you should learn how to be coherent?

Anonymous said...

WTF is a "bear" ?

Anonymous said...

http://legallyours.blogspot.com/

Unlike the depressed and unhappy contract attorneys in NYC and elsewhere, the outsourced attorneys (I think we can safely call them scabs at this point) are enjoy a booming market in India...Check out this blog by India's LPO (Legal Process Outsourcing) blogger.

For those of us out of work, struggling to make ends meet and tired of the humiliation of temping, it's time to pick a new career. The future is in LPO, not in an NYC doc review sweatshop with a bunch of social misfits, losers and otherwise unemployables.

Anonymous said...

Just checked out that blog. Check the tabs on the right- the blogger doesn't even know how to spell "privilege" - looks like outsourcing isn't such a great idea, after all.

Anonymous said...

How can you tell if a bear is gay? I don't get what you people are talking about.

Anonymous said...

The people at Update are so full of themselves. Latest add on Monster.com says, they are seeking a "high-end attorney recruiter." What the hell do they take themselves for? A "high-end" attorney recruiter to type little irrelevant facts into their computers so they can black-list you? Come on. This is not the first time they write an ad showing how unsophisticated they are.

Anonymous said...

Not to worry, they have already black-listed you. Even if they didn't , do you really think they owe you a temo job?

They don't owe you shit. Get your own fucking job for Chrisssakes!!!