Tuesday, March 04, 2008

How To Roll With The Snakes

"Tom I enjoy your website I need some help from you - I am a recruiter for the legal industry I place contract and temp attorneys but I am having trouble getting into these law firms it sea{e}ms like it is a closed group that gets the job orders ..... do you have any insight or words of advice ....... "

As you can already tell, placing contract attorneys is a different kind of animal; any rules relating to decorum and professinalism are out the window; think mafioso. To compete with the big boys, my advice would be the following:

A. Find an initial pool of investment capital and start using it to hand out bribes. Better yet, create a complex private equity tax-emempt structure where ill-gotten "deflate the rate" contract attorney wage gains can be kicked back to the partners.

B. Hire a staff of female recruiters who are exclusively under 30, grils who aren't afraid to wear a cocktail dress on a Monday morning and who aren't afraid to set the women's movement back thirty years.

C. Open a Mumbai office, but do not publicize it on your website.

D. Find the most low rent, filthy, tinder-box of an urban workspace (think 21st century version of the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory) and pack it with as many computers, wires, hardware, and contract attorneys as possible.

E. Employ the most psychotic, mentally instable person you can find (prefably someone who used to light small animals on fire) and make them team leader.

F. Crate a sophisticated database and fill it with the names of "troublemaker" employees. Be especially on the look out for anyone who has a tendancy to speak to fire marshalls and reporters.

G. Kick back a large portion of your profits to your equity biglaw partner clients.

50 comments:

Anonymous said...

"It SEAMS like it is a closed group?" One piece of advice is to use spellcheck and/or review your initial contact before emailing any of the major firms. If you can't spell correctly, why would they trust your ability to qualify the candidates you want to place there?

I also vote for the Monday morning cocktail dresses.

Anonymous said...

I would not open a Mumbai office. I remember seeing concerns on this blog about outsourcing contract attorney work to India. I wouldn't be too worried about that, not only for the potential ethical issues that could arise but also b/c India is losing it's wage advantage:

http://www.rediff.com/money/2008/mar/03forbes.htm

"As the 1:3 cost structure becomes 1:1.5, it will soon become inefficient to use Indian labor. Why not Oklahoma or British Columbia?"

"Forbes recently published some scary statistics on wage inflation in India. Salaries rose 15.1% in 2007, up from 14.4% the previous year. The 2008 forecast: 15.2%. This would be the fifth consecutive year of salary growth above 10%.

Add to that the appreciation of the rupee against the weakening dollar, and its impact on the labor arbitrage market.

Is the death of Indian outsourcing all that far off?

Assuming a 15% year-to-year salary hike rate, and a 2007 cost advantage of 1:3 in favor of India, if US wages remain constant, India's cost advantage disappears by 2015."

Anonymous said...

Interesting, so TTT's take is that the associate pay raises (in some firms) are being funded off the backs of the toileteer doc reviewers. Interesting, that would explain why there have not been any signicifant upticks in hourly rates even as associate pay skyrockers and partners have recorded record profits. It's too bad for us, because while 2007 was a banner year, we got no raise. 2008 promises a big drop off for many law firms. Looks like the temps will end up getting squeezed even more, like a crushed orange rind in a dumpster behind jamaba juice.

If this kind of crap is really going on, then AG Cuomo should be informed.

Former Agency Person said...

The only way to get into a big firms rotation is looks(SEX) or money. Some men manage to get into a decision making partner's good graces with frequent favors, golf and cash....Most agencies though, use witless, flirtatious, bonehead girls and blowjobs from my experience. You can cold-call these asshole partners and gatekeepers all you want, they don't give a shit about how well you background check or how well temp attorneys have done for you in the past...they just want to know whats in it for them. Quality control means nothing to the firms....wage rates and blowjobs do though.

Anonymous said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcaVSTsYyOI


reminds me of a great Mr. Show skit

Anonymous said...

This isn't really a post about this discussion thread, but I just found out that Satan's Workshop lives on in Philly.

They still have about 40 or 50 document reviewers working there (those who caused the least trouble and were willing to bend over every time they were asked to do so by Dechert and/or Hudson).

They now have them helping out on the McCarter/Seroquel review because they are afraid they are going to miss another deadline (this one is in mid-March).

After that, they hope to transition them to reviewing Vytorin documents for Merck. If that happens, who knows-- maybe the place will live on forever!!!!!

Tyler Durden said...

One more thing about Satan's Workshop.

The rumor is that the reviewers remaining at 2 Logan moving to Seroquel from Vioxx will continue at their pay rate. This means they will not have to take the pay cut that some people had to take to go across the street to work under McCarter. They will also be getting over-time pay at 40 hours instead of the 45 hours across the street.

Anonymous said...

there has to be a place where temp. attorneys can be treated with respect and dignity... i mean these law firms can't be that bad... there have to be some good people somewhere..... my current firm's attorneys don't like to look me in the eye... a quick sneer is all i get... even though i am billing some poor old lady so they can get their bonuses...

wait a minute... the phone is ringing... somebody has found the place where the law firms are nice to temp.attorneys ??? temps are treated with respect ??? where is it ???

answer: Jupiter's ninth moon.... (re: nowhere).... is too late to apply to school to become a monk ???

i will keep looking for that respect place people.. tired of these prank calls...

Anonymous said...

I'm not a lawyer. The career I chose only pays about $45k to start. You make about $100k after 8 years. It pretty much levels off after that. No big payoff.

People turn their noses at this career b/c the most you make is about $100k. From the sounds of this board, maybe it not such a bad deal after all. Total cost of degree is about $40k.

Loads of vacation time. 8 hours a day. (I have time to work out, play my piano, and to cook dinner. Every day) No weekends, either. It's also fun and low stress.

Anonymous said...

sounds awesome... where do i sign up ??? do they hire temps there....

Anonymous said...

Sorry, but only a mathematical idiot and undisciplined loser would be stuck with the loan for 18 years.

PLEASE.

If I was making $40/hr, I'd have a $100k loan paid off in under 3 years.

I had $250,000 BANKED before age 27. In those 6 years of work, I made an average of $60k. WAY less than your $40/hr freelancer gig.

Today's 20s' are just spoiled brats who can't SUCK IT UP, live basic, and MAKE A BUDGET. Undisciplined panzy idiots, if you ask me.

Eating out 7x a week adds up, son.

Anonymous said...

VERY VERY ROUGH NUMBERS (from memory)
First 7 years of career.
Avg. salary = $60k (Ranged from $30k to $100k)
Gross income = $420k
After tax (.7) = $294k take-home.
Spent $1000/mo = $12k/yr = $84k
$294k - $84k = $200+
Interest income during the 7 years must have put me around $250k,

$100k Loan? Pfft. Loans are for low-income and low-IQ (ie: low-discipline)

Anonymous said...

VERY VERY ROUGH NUMBERS = Complete bullshit.

Why are you hanging out on this blog if you were worth 250K before you were out of diapers? Anyone who could actually pull that kind of money without having to service any debt would be spending his free time a) working, b) thanking daddy for the great job at his big company, or c) snorting coke off a hooker's thigh.

Why don't we start a cooperative? It avoids the pitfalls of working for a temp agency and also avoids the union crap...

Anonymous said...

The answer is (a)

Computer Science degree.
Graduated college at 21.

Immed. became a programmer at 21. More school was not an option.
(School is for slackers. I'm working class to the bone.)

I held 4 jobs in 9 years.
$30k for 2 years (entry)
$55k for 2 years (jr)
$100k for 2.5 years (mid)
($250k for 2.5 years) (sr)

I only used the first 3 in my calculations.

6.5 years = $420k gross
Weighted avg salary = $65k

My point being, if I had loans, I would have killed em quick. On $65k/yr, in 6 years. With room to spare.

Any more questions?

PS: That 4th last gig put me at $500k before 30. I am now in a different field entirely. In my 30s, I am giving back to society now.

Anonymous said...

pffffft. I smelll a troll. Piss off agency guy.

Sanka said...

Apart from the misspellings, e.g., "crate" instead of "create," I enjoyed this post, especially for the fact that I can't comment on www.jdunderground.com anymore without registering my e-mail account.

I particularly enjoyed paragraphs B and E the best:

B. Hire a staff of female recruiters who are exclusively under 30, grils who aren't afraid to wear a cocktail dress on a Monday morning and who aren't afraid to set the women's movement back thirty years.

E. Employ the most psychotic, mentally instable person you can find (prefably someone who used to light small animals on fire) and make them team leader.

Para. B is what I find all the time when I consider looking for a new job.

Para. E is what I'm stuck with. Why is my supervisor so psycho? Will he ever go on sabbatical to finally earn his GED?

Anonymous said...

Here's the problem with the guy who keeps posting the numbers. If you were worth a great deal of money, you wouldn't be here. People who are self made don't waste time. If you are worth a great deal of money, and you are here, there's something wrong with you. It would be the equivalent of Paris Hilton hanging out on gawker.com. This is why no one takes you seriously. The choices are you are lying or you are a nutjob. Netierh is particularly appealing.

Anonymous said...

>> If you were worth a great deal of money, you wouldn't be here. People who are self made don't waste time. If you are worth a great deal of money, and you are here, there's something wrong with you.


(Didn't they teach you any logic in law school?)

Straw man fallacy. My choice of entertainment, the perusal of an underemployed attorney's blog has nothing to do with my posit that $100k of student loans can easily be paid off in a few years, if so desired. Even on $60k. I documented the numbers. QED.

Tu Quoque fallacy. My net worth has nothing to do with whether or not my argument holds water.

Clearly, you prefer a world of self-pity and denial of reality.

Reality exists whether you choose to address it or not. Good luck. I forsee lots of prescription medications in your future. I bet you're fat, too. (And that, my friend, is called an ad homenim attack)

No charge for the logic lesson, son.

Anonymous said...

Logic? Again, you are either crazy or a liar or both, and, therefore, either way, your voice as a speaker can't be trusted. Can we trust the speaker. That's the logic. We 're not in a court of a law. It's the court of common sense opinion. The burden is a just a tad bit less than a court of law. But, if we were in court, you would probably argue character is also a strawman. Each time you post you only reaffirm my argument.

Anonymous said...

to 9:00 pm: I think you mean Ad Hominem. Spelling words correctly would add to your credibility.

selling my jd said...

please people... the nice computer guy with cash came on our blog to help us... why so mean ???

is it his fault that law schools are a fraud ?? is it his fault that one drinks coffee all day for 12 hour shifts even when the coffee is cold ??? it is his fault that document review work is a scam designed for law firms to bill their clients for temps doing useless work ??? (note: to client, any idea what you just spent $500,000 on)...

come on people.... the computer guy is right...

note to computer guy: can i get a job now ???

Anonymous said...

No 8:11, you CAN'T have a job.

No one wants to hire temp doc reviewers. Your resume goes into the garbage. K thx.

Anonymous said...

Computer Geek can't possibly be living in NYC. Try those numbers again figuring in the fact that in order to work the insane hours required of you on your paltry $60,000 you must live within a reasonable commuting distance of your midtown or wall street job. Now factor in the rent in a shoebox of an apartment in NYC. Cheap studios can run you $2,000/mo rent in Manhattan, I dare you to find anything even in the outer boroughs for less than $1,000/mo. If you do, check to see if there are drug dealers on the corner.

Factor in again the cost of food purchased for cooking, and the billable time lost actually cooking and packing your own lunch. Factor in the cost of transportation; $80/mo if you get a metrocard and you do not require anything else. Some people have to take express buses or metro north, and those will cost more over time. (Of course this assumes you diligently got rid of your car and do not have to pay insurance, taxes, or the tolls that just went up.) Factor in the sorts of things that real people have to deal with on a daily basis...like the credit cards you've already cut and are busting your hump to pay. Things like presents for holidays, weddings and birthdays that society shames you into giving whether you want to or not. (You could not possibly be factoring in the cost of maintaining even a cheap date of a girlfriend in New York City. Where do you plan to take your girl, White Castle? Wake up, burgers cost $7 here on average. Movies are over $10. Don't skimp on the tip or you'll likely never see her again.) Factor in amount you lose in taxes; between the federal and state taxes in NY, you lose about 36% of your pay before you even see it. Of that $40/hr you bill you only get about $25.60 to put towards paying your expenses. Now re-calculate your glorious $100,000 loan repayment schedule taking into account the interest on premium and see just how long it takes you to pay that back. Just how much could you save then?

Pay off $100,000 in three years...maybe if you live in West Virginia. For the record, temp attorney work exists primarily in large cities with high costs of living. Think Washington DC, Los Angeles, Philadelphia, New York, Boston. If you were able to get by on $30,000/year in the year 2000 (or even 1990), you were NOT living in NYC or any other place that this sort of work would be found. Even with the most disciplined behavior imaginable, on $30,000/yr in NYC you are working poor. You are unable to save in any way if you live on your own, even with a room-mate. Maybe you might be able to pay your debts down sometime within this decade if you live at home with Mom and pay her no rent. Punk.

Anonymous said...

right, he's just the same lame-o troll temp recruiter...trying to lure more lemmings over the cliff.

Anonymous said...

That 'geek' guy is no computer programmer. I have friends who are programmers, and he is full of it when he talks about the money. My friends graduated in the late 1980's, and got jobs. Those jobs do not exist anymore. They have been outsourced to India! Just Google "outsourced computer programming", etc. to find out what I mean.

Anonymous said...

WARNING!
Watch out for the Newark gig. Every agency under the sun is scrambling this weekend to find people to go there. They are luring people there with incentives to bill more hours, but I think the project is very short term and people won't reach those hours for those incentives to kick in. If it sounds too good to be true etc...

Anonymous said...

Yeah, 2:28- better to sit home and not make any money.

Anonymous said...

> I dare you to find anything even in the outer boroughs for less than $1,000/mo. If you do, check to see if there are drug dealers on the corner.

Is this so bad? You seem to overlook the simple fact that the drug dealer ranks higher than you, in terms of net worth. You, my friend, are the one in debt, b/c you chose not to work for many years.

Odds are, the drug dealer is more solvent than you. Without money, you may become desperate, and perhaps irrational.

Logically speaking, the drug dealer should be afraid of YOU, b/c you have less to lose, and may attack him for food/beer money. He has more money than you.

Anonymous said...

9:02. That is right, every last programmer job has been outsourced. Clueless.

Anonymous said...

http://jobs.efinancialcareers.com/job-4000000000350361.htm

Algorithmic Trading Quantitative Analyst – NY Metro

Compensation: $300-500k
Years Experience: 3-5 yrs

Anonymous said...

10:10pm, you obviously do not do any research before you write. Have you ever ehard of the famous bank books kept by J.T., a head of the Black Disciples Gang in Chicago at the height of the crack boom? No? OK, so have you heard of Sudhir Venkatesh? No? Then let me shed a little light.

Sudhir Venkatesh is a faculty fellow at Columbia University who wrote extensively on sociology in urban environments. He also had a substantial background in math. He wound up in the wrong place at the wrong time while studying at the University of Chicago and would up falling in with the Black Disciples. The Black Disciples made a lot of money running drugs.

J.T. had an MBA and kept financial records on all expenses incurred and spent in the running of his drug operations. His records reflected not only that the gang was structured just like a fortune 500 corporation (and the people at the top were called the Board of Directors), but that the pay rate for the drug dealers matched pay rates for fortune 500 companies.

In short, street drug dealers made minimum wage, and had legitimate minimum wage jobs to supplement their income. Think working at Wal-Mart. During times of gang warfare, JT incurred expenses not only to pay for the mercenaries to help fight the war but also hazard pay to keep low wage dealers on the street.

The only drug dealers who made income above those levels were middle managers and directors of the drug enterprise, the ones you don't see on the street. The structure of the enterprise permits very few of them to exist or else profits will be greatly eroded.

J.T.'s treasurer gave these books to Venkatesh who later wrote several economic papers about the structure of illicit enterprises.

So....next time close your mouth unless you actually know what the heck you are talking about.

Anonymous said...

This is Update's latest attempt to recruit desperate graduates. They don't want to deal with experienced people. They figure it is easier to control sheep fresh out of law school. How pathetic is this advertisement!

YAY THE BAR IS OVER!!!
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Update Legal Contract Professionals are eligible to receive our benefits package, which includes medical insurance, a 401k plan and much more.

Update Legal has awesome temporary positions in New York City for non-admitted Attorneys who have graduated from top schools. This is an excellent opportunity to gain more experience and utilize your skills! Complete availability is required. Only those with requisite experience need apply. If interested and able to commit please submit your resume in Word format to

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Anonymous said...

Q&A: Sudhir Venkatesh
Dispelling the myths about gangs
By Alex Kingsbury
Posted January 8, 2008

If drug dealers make so much money, how come they still live with their moms? Sudhir Venkatesh is a Columbia University sociologist who spent years in the housing projects of Chicago documenting criminal gangs and the drug trade. He addresses that question and others in his new book Gang Leader for a Day and in an interview with U.S. News. Excerpts:

Isn't dealing good money?
Ninety-five percent of the dealers are working for less than minimum wage. The money they are holding belongs to their leaders—the 5 percent who might be pulling in more than $100,000 per year. So, most of the members have little choice but to live at home with their families or with their relatives.

Anonymous said...

God, 10:10 is so stupid.

Anonymous said...

I love temping.

I work 3 months out of the year then do what I want for the rest.

The trick is to live cheap in NYC for 3 months, work as much as possible, and then go somewhere cheap with hot girls (e.g., Russia or Latin America).

I worked as an associate for 3 years in NYC, made a ton of money, and was miserable. Now I enjoy life, and don't have to wake up early. Foreign saleries are nothing compared to what you make temping, so if a boss I'm working for starts giving me crap, I tell them ti shut up or quit. Plus, when I get board of bumming around some foreign country, I come back and work. It's a nice mix.

Quitting my job and getting into legal temping is one of the best things that I ever did.

I'm thinking about getting a Ski or Yoga instructor certification and doing that next time I'm overseas. Sleeping late all day and partying every nite is starting to get a bit boaring.

I don't understand how anybody that's a legal temp could complain about such a great job. Maybe it's something about NYC that does it to people.

Anonymous said...

Tom,

How come you have written about Paul Weiss, who announced they are repping Spitzer in his prostitution money laundering case?

Follow the Money said...

Something is wrong when the governor has $80,000 to blow on hookers and these temp rackets are defalting the rate. Then Paul Weiss reps him. This investigation was begun after the IRS received a phone call from HSBC bank alerting it to possible evidence of "smurfing" - i.e. suspicious transfers of money performed to disguise the payment or reciept of money. After the IRS investigated, they discovered some of the money was going to a bank account connected with Eliot Spitzer. At that point, the investigation became a public corruption case and the FBI took over the investigation and discovered QAT Consulting and ultimately the prostitution ring. Eliot nailed hundreds of people under the money laundering statutes. He should do hard time for the crime of money laundering, just like the people he sent away are doing.

Anonymous said...

If you went to Harvard Law, you also might have 80k to blow. Now go back to your cockaroach basement.

Anonymous said...

If you went to Harvard Law, you also might have 80k to blow. Now go back to your cockaroach basement.

Sanka said...

I cut & paste the two most cogent passages, and then add a new comment I picked up from www.LawSchoolLoans.com

Computer Geek can't possibly be living in NYC. Try those numbers again figuring in the fact that in order to work the insane hours required of you on your paltry $60,000 you must live within a reasonable commuting distance of your midtown or wall street job. Now factor in the rent in a shoebox of an apartment in NYC. Cheap studios can run you $2,000/mo rent in Manhattan, I dare you to find anything even in the outer boroughs for less than $1,000/mo. If you do, check to see if there are drug dealers on the corner.

Factor in again the cost of food purchased for cooking, and the billable time lost actually cooking and packing your own lunch. Factor in the cost of transportation; $80/mo if you get a metrocard and you do not require anything else. Some people have to take express buses or metro north, and those will cost more over time. (Of course this assumes you diligently got rid of your car and do not have to pay insurance, taxes, or the tolls that just went up.) Factor in the sorts of things that real people have to deal with on a daily basis...like the credit cards you've already cut and are busting your hump to pay. Things like presents for holidays, weddings and birthdays that society shames you into giving whether you want to or not. (You could not possibly be factoring in the cost of maintaining even a cheap date of a girlfriend in New York City. Where do you plan to take your girl, White Castle? Wake up, burgers cost $7 here on average. Movies are over $10. Don't skimp on the tip or you'll likely never see her again.) Factor in amount you lose in taxes; between the federal and state taxes in NY, you lose about 36% of your pay before you even see it. Of that $40/hr you bill you only get about $25.60 to put towards paying your expenses. Now re-calculate your glorious $100,000 loan repayment schedule taking into account the interest on premium and see just how long it takes you to pay that back. Just how much could you save then?

Pay off $100,000 in three years...maybe if you live in West Virginia. For the record, temp attorney work exists primarily in large cities with high costs of living. Think Washington DC, Los Angeles, Philadelphia, New York, Boston. If you were able to get by on $30,000/year in the year 2000 (or even 1990), you were NOT living in NYC or any other place that this sort of work would be found. Even with the most disciplined behavior imaginable, on $30,000/yr in NYC you are working poor. You are unable to save in any way if you live on your own, even with a room-mate. Maybe you might be able to pay your debts down sometime within this decade if you live at home with Mom and pay her no rent. Punk.

Have you ever ehard of the famous bank books kept by J.T., a head of the Black Disciples Gang in Chicago at the height of the crack boom? No? OK, so have you heard of Sudhir Venkatesh? No? Then let me shed a little light.

Sudhir Venkatesh is a faculty fellow at Columbia University who wrote extensively on sociology in urban environments. He also had a substantial background in math. He wound up in the wrong place at the wrong time while studying at the University of Chicago and would up falling in with the Black Disciples. The Black Disciples made a lot of money running drugs.

J.T. had an MBA and kept financial records on all expenses incurred and spent in the running of his drug operations. His records reflected not only that the gang was structured just like a fortune 500 corporation (and the people at the top were called the Board of Directors), but that the pay rate for the drug dealers matched pay rates for fortune 500 companies.

In short, street drug dealers made minimum wage, and had legitimate minimum wage jobs to supplement their income. Think working at Wal-Mart. During times of gang warfare, JT incurred expenses not only to pay for the mercenaries to help fight the war but also hazard pay to keep low wage dealers on the street.

The only drug dealers who made income above those levels were middle managers and directors of the drug enterprise, the ones you don't see on the street. The structure of the enterprise permits very few of them to exist or else profits will be greatly eroded.

J.T.'s treasurer gave these books to Venkatesh who later wrote several economic papers about the structure of illicit enterprises.

So....next time close your mouth unless you actually know what the heck you are talking about.

Here's a comment from Law School Loans: Friends in Law School: Are You Being Played? By Mahsa Khalilifar Law school friendships can play out like a game, so don't turn out to be a pawn!
If there's one thing that law students can actually agree on, it's that they deal with intense competition each and every day of their legal lives. Competition is practically a staple in many law schools. Who creates the curve? Who is ahead of everyone else? So it's no wonder that so many students get stressed out and have a hard time forming solid relationships with their peers.

My response is that 90% of law students are played by the top 10% of law students, from the first day of law school, through moot court competitions, law review work, and throughout the legal market. 90% do all the hard work, and the top 10% get all the awards and all the jobs. The rest of us get nothing but unleverageable, non-dischargeable student loan debt.

Happy Hooker said...

Re: 9:25 pm Sorry punk. I have a sweet pad in a doorman building in Manhattan. If Eliot was smart enough to go to harvard how come he wasn't smart enough not to get caught. RIP Eliot Spitzer
Here lies the "Sheriff of Wall Street" -- he stole from the rich and gave to the poor little hookers.

Anonymous said...

I am not from NYC. Why are "doorman" buildings considered better? I don't need someone to open the door for me. Is it really worth an extra $200k in price? Or is there more to it? I can see elevators adding value, but why a doorman? I can buzz in a visitor myself. Not seeing it.

Anonymous said...

Funny note from the McCarter Newark project - Update apparently pulled its people out, for some unkown reason.

When was was the last time Update found a project so distasteful it refused to staff it? LOL!!!

Anonymous said...

Perhaps the bitch Julie Dailey threatened to have the Update people killed?

By the way, rumor is that Julie and the other Philly whores are going to transfer some people from the McCarter Philly project back to Satan's Workshop to work on Vytorin. They even are claiming that they are trying to get those of us still at 2 Logan a raise. We'll believe that when we see it-- we haven't had a raise in 18 months!!!

Anonymous said...

Doorman buildings are safer for yourself and your belongings. Doormen keep people who do not belong in the building from coming in by having non-tenants sign a sign-in sheet or by at least asking who they are there to see. Without a doorman, anyone from off the street can just get into the building by either breaking in through the front door or waiting until someone who has a key opens the door, then walk in behind them. You don't know if that guy is just the pizza delivery guy or if he's casing the place to see whose apartment he wants to break into.

Doormen also collect and hold packages for you. That's a big deal since lots of people work longer than 9 to 5 hours, and if you get packages in the mail you can't get them until the weekend when you have to schlep to the post office. Many postmen don't just leave packages in the absence of a doorman because someone could steal it.

That's just a basic doorman building. Many new buildings have doormen that offer extended concierge services like calling cabs for you, carrying your luggage when you are heading out for a trip, and sending out and recieving your dry cleaning. I know it sounds excessive, but it saves you time and energy, and odds are that if you make the kind of money to live in these places you work insane hours and could sure use these services. These are the kinds of services you'd find in elevator buildings on 5th Avenue, Park Avenue, and the new condos on Wall Street.

(Speaking of Wall Street, I was walking by one day when delivery men were bringing in the new combo washer/dryer units for a new condo on the block. Those washers had stickers on them saying it costs $5 to wash a load of laundry and $5 to dry a load. Rumor has it the Dutchess of York bought a pied de terre in that building and Naomi Campbell has an apartment there as well.)

Sanka said...

True, a doorman is essential to a civilized life in dangerous crime-ridden Manhattan.

Granted, the streets were worse before Giuliani, but nowhere close as safe as a Middle America suburban ideal.

Sadly, street safety rates below the needs of the idle welfare class, who cause the crime, and the needs of the wealthy class, who avoid the streets by way of helicopter, etc. It's not as bad as Sao Paolo.

Washington, D.C. doorman primarily are found at hotels (e.g. the infamous Mayflower) but not residences, because the low number of units per residential building--because of height restrictions--generally make the cost of a doorman too expensive for the condo board.

Sadly, a doorman is hard put to keep out the likes of Emperor's Club V.I.P. adulterers.

How can you tell the difference between foreigners who are merely annoying and foreigners who are trying to destroy our way of life? Mark Brener, 62, is an Israeli. And don't get me started on Borat!

Even more sadly, non-dischargeable non-leverageable law school debt puts us in a worse position than Ashley Alexandra Dupre.

Anonymous said...

Wow, sanka--you're pretty mentally ill. Good luck with that . . .

Sanka said...

Yeah, I've got to stop consuming DC water, which, I've learned in this week's news, contains antibiotics, anti-convulsants, mood stabilizers and sex hormones. What should I do?

Anonymous said...

You should probably kill yourself. No one would miss you.

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